defyingfrigidity | Ninth Flake [text]

[This is new: a post from Elsa not in video. Normally she tries to use it as often as she can, since it helps her with talking to people without the intimidation of being face-to-face in person. But she's feeling kind of... not quite upset, but not like herself today. She'd rather not let that bleed into the video and audio, so for now, text it is.]

I just noticed the anniversary of a very important event in my life is almost here. The thing itself wasn't so bad - it was certainly something to celebrate at least - but the events that happened during and after it... they were more than a bit terrible.

[Yeah she's being kind of vague here. But only because she hasn't really told anyone about the whole "Eternal Winter" thing. And she's.... still somewhat afraid to. People know about what happened with Anna, yes, but if they knew she'd almost sentenced her entire kingdom to an eternal winter of suffering... would they act different towards her then?]

Even so, I... look back somewhat fondly on those days, despite the bad things that happened. Because even though bad things happened, a lot of good came out of it in the end.

Still... is that odd?

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That's... a very good way of putting it. Your mother certainly had an interesting way of looking at things.

I've been trying to get better at not getting "hung up" about bad things, and for the most part, I think I am, but...

Some things are just. Very bad. And it doesn't feel right looking at a silver lining in a bad event where many people could have gotten hurt, or worse.

Does it feel more right to think that bad shit happened and people could have gotten hurt for no reason at all? Especially if nobody actually did. Get hurt I mean. At least something good came out of it. That's a lot better than people you love dying for no reason at all.

That's... that's true.

I'm just not sure how many people were hurt. What happened... it affected my entire kingdom. There had to have been some people out there that were hurt that I was never notified about...

I think that's the main reason I feel so guilty. That some things happened to innocent people that I still don't know about.

You can't know everything. Nobody can. Bad shit happens, that's just the way it goes. I figure if you didn't kill anybody with your own two hands, you don't really got anything to be too guilty about. You're a good person, Elsa. Don't beat yourself up over some things that maybe could have happened.

But I'm the queen! I have to know all of this. It's part of my job...

I'm pretty sure that means its your job to do the best you can for your people. You're not God, you can't know EVERYTHING that happens. Jeeze Elsa, listen to what you're upset about. Maybe some people might have gotten hurt and you don't know either way. Okay, sure, that stinks. But what the hell is beating yourself up over it now going to do?

I....

... I don't know. I'm sorry.

[Elsa's spent her whole life beating herself up when things go out of her control. That's the only thing she knows how to do in some cases.]

Look, I just mean... Nobody can protect everybody all the time. Even if you're supposed to be the person looking after everybody, the person people come to for help. No matter what you do or how hard you try, you're just a person. And people mess up. Sometimes really badly. We just got to try and do better and not let it drag us down. Trust me. That's a real bad path to go down. I been there.

[Elsa wants to ask how he was able to cope with not being able to protect everyone, but... her mind drifts back to that one accidental post of his a while back.... so she holds her tongue for now. So instead....]

Does it.... get easier? Dealing with that fact?

I don't know. Ask me again when I've had some real time to deal with it. Maybe it does. People told me it does.

Ninth Flake [text]

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