Ninth Flake [text]

[defyingfrigidity]

[This is new: a post from Elsa not in video. Normally she tries to use it as often as she can, since it helps her with talking to people without the intimidation of being face-to-face in person. But she's feeling kind of... not quite upset, but not like herself today. She'd rather not let that bleed into the video and audio, so for now, text it is.]

I just noticed the anniversary of a very important event in my life is almost here. The thing itself wasn't so bad - it was certainly something to celebrate at least - but the events that happened during and after it... they were more than a bit terrible.

[Yeah she's being kind of vague here. But only because she hasn't really told anyone about the whole "Eternal Winter" thing. And she's.... still somewhat afraid to. People know about what happened with Anna, yes, but if they knew she'd almost sentenced her entire kingdom to an eternal winter of suffering... would they act different towards her then?]

Even so, I... look back somewhat fondly on those days, despite the bad things that happened. Because even though bad things happened, a lot of good came out of it in the end.

Still... is that odd?

Comments

[defyingfrigidity]

For what it's worth, I don't think you're being a jerk. It can be a bit frustrating, dealing with stubborn people, and... I do realize I'm being stubborn right now.

It's just... I've been dealing with guilt like this, over even the most ridiculous things, for most of my life. Even though I know your advice and the advice of others is valid, and I do appreciate everyone trying to help... it's just difficult, trying to push back the bad feelings that have been around for that long. Like pushing a boulder up a hill.

I'm terribly sorry if this sounds like just some ridiculous sob story, I... don't mean for it to come off that way. This is the first time I've ever really been able to talk about these things that have been bothering me, even with my family, so I'm kind of... stumbling.

I want to thank you, though. The venting does help to blow this all over. And... thank you. For being so blunt.

[Elsa are you really thanking someone who got annoyed at you...]

I appreciate everyone's kind words, but sometimes, I think it helps just as much to get a metaphorical smack on the head. if that... makes any sense at all.

[nullorvoid]

I don't think it sounds ridiculous at all, it explains a lot actually. Guilt stuff is weird, it tends to hit people in all sorts of weird ways. I don't know, I guess my problem a lot of the time is not enough guilt which is a whole different can of worms that's probably best not opened all over some stranger on the internet.

I've seen what that sort of stuff does to people in the long run though and it's really not good, I'm not saying you should just get over it or anything but it might be good to keep someone around that you can talk to about this sort of stuff before it eats you alive, you know?

[defyingfrigidity]

Oh, that much I know. I was actually... much worse off than I was now, this time last year. But ever since my sister and I reconciled over some things in our past, it's almost like she refuses to leave me alone for too long. I consider that a good thing, since she's always willing to talk.

But sometimes... I think talking to other people is better, like now. It was tough to listen, but it still helped. Talking about different experiences helps just as much as someone close to you always listening to you when you need it does.