defyingfrigidity | [ryslig IC Inbox]

[... She's not going to be able to escape this, will she? Either she tries to shut things down (which has always made things worse for her), she starts pushing Lup away, things become awkward... no matter what she says or does, even if she just outright tells Lup, things... things are going to change.

Good job, Elsa.]

Because they're... taken. Married.

[Elsa's not looking at Lup. Not even down at their hands. Where moments ago she was jittering nonstop, now she's just... still, gaze focused somewhere off to the side and shoulders slumped. Defeated.]

[Now that's a posture of Elsa's that Lup feels familiar with. One that absolutely tugs at her heart.]

Guess that makes it a little trickier.

[Lup can't help that she's already going through all of the married monsters that she knows, alright. It just happens, okay! She's nosy and needs to know details like yesterday!]

I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the first time you've felt like this, right?

[.... Elsa's not sure if she should be feeling like she dodged a cannonball right now or not. It... doesn't seem like Lup caught on??? Or maybe she has and she's ignoring it?? Or or or--

God. All of this is going to be terrible for her heart in so many ways, isn't it??]

It is. I never really let myself think of things like romance or attraction when I was growing up, and by the time the world opened up to me.. I was dragged here not long after. [Okay... okay. She can do this.] But that doesn't matter... I want to get over it. I need to. Somehow.

[Just breathe, girlfriend. Just breathe.]

I think I got it. [And she does. Coming to terms with love after a lifetime of keeping feelings like that at a distance, finally giving in to the realization of her actually being in love, it's a Lot. Lup gets that.

The naga reaches out to take Elsa's hand this time, pressing her palm to the other woman's, just holding her hand in the most reassuring, tender way she can think of. For Lup, it helps to be touched and to touch when she's stressing out. To remind her that she isn't alone. She hopes it helps Elsa in the same way.]

Sorry to say, falling out of love isn't as easy, hon. And don't accuse me of bein' a sap or whatever, but it's not exactly a bad thing to be in, even in your sitch. I think your sis would be real happy you even feel that way.

[... Lup doesn't understand. If she did, she wouldn't- wouldn't be so casually touching Elsa like this. It can be comforting to her, this girl who's been touch-starved for thirteen years, and would normally be enough to calm any jitters she might have. But at the same time it tears her up inside, bringing back that terrible self-loathing she tried so hard to bury in the year since her coronation.]

But it is. It... it could ruin one of the best friendships I've ever had. I don't know what I'd do if I made things even more awkward...

[... "Even more"?]

Edited 2018-12-27 06:37 (UTC)

[MMM that sure is an interesting choice in wording, huh.]

Wait a minute, what's that even mean? Why would you crushing on someone kill the friendship? What's already awkward between you? You got to fill in some blanks here, hon.

Because it's you!

[Where a moment ago Elsa was almost too still, now she's a flurry of movement, pulling her hand away from Lup's and jumping to her feet, stepping back a few paces. Her arms are tucked in tight against her stomach, like she's trying to hold herself together, and her expression falls into a mess of horror... and guilt?]

I... I wanted to hide it... I had to. [No matter how hard she tries, Elsa can't hide how her voice shakes as she speaks now.] But no matter what I did, nothing helped. I... I didn't want to start ignoring you, but...

[conceal, don't feel. conceal, don't feel... don't feel...]

I'm sorry...

[It's easily the loudest Lup's ever heard Elsa speak.

And okay, so maybe she should have seen this coming, with the sudden awkwardness between them as of late, how there were moments Elsa just couldn't meet her gaze, how she'd go completely still beneath Lup's touch. The constant flirting and teasing probably didn't help either, but look, that's just all part of the Lup brand. She can't just turn that shit off whenever she wants. It's just who she is.

Still, maybe she should have been just a little more aware, especially since now they are here, with Elsa pacing around wildly, looking so much more open and vulnerable and raw in her emotions than she's allowed herself in months.

But whatever reaction Elsa may be expecting from the older woman, whatever disappointment or anger or concern she thinks she'll see flash across Lup's face, it must be quite a surprise to just see the elf laugh. Softly, not cruelly, a clawed hand already reaching out for her.]

You are the biggest friggin' dork I've ever known. And I know a lot of dorks. C'mere, Elsa. You're fine. [her voice dips down to something softer, more kind] We're fine. I'm not pissed or whatever. We're chill, girl. We're good.

Edited 2018-12-31 00:30 (UTC)

["You're fine." Fine??? Elsa's not fine. She's never fine. Sometimes she feels okay, but there's always that hum of anxiety under her skin; it may be barely noticeable on some, maybe most days... but it's still always there. And now...

Well. Now she's glad that her powers were taken from her, or else she's sure she'd be freezing over the entire cafe at this point.]

I-I can't... [She shakes her head, taking another step back.] We're not... how are we good? I shouldn't be having these feelings in the first place, but I do, and... I told you...!

[Even if it doesn't happen now, things can only start spiraling from here...]

I... I promise, I'll try to get over it soon.

[Welp. This suddenly feels awkward, but maybe not for the reason that Elsa might assume. It's probably not too much of a surprise that Elsa isn't the first friend of Lup's to develop a little crush on her over the last two hundred years. And she's absolutely not the first to make a bit of a scene in professing those feelings.

It's always been so easy for the elf to laugh that kind of adoration off with an affectionate shove to the shoulder, to tease the offending party and make light of the situation. To chase the worry and awkwardness right out of the room. But Elsa's reaction, all hurt and panic and uncertainty in the status of their relationship, that's new. New in a big way. Just the kind of seriousness that Lup tries so often to avoid.

So as easy and it would be for a large, snake woman to chase after the little nymph, Lup lets her take her step back, putting a touch of distance between the two.]

We are good, alright? We are. [It's just a shame her words aren't getting through to her.] Hey - listen to me. Why do you think we're friends?

[The words both do and don't get through to Elsa. She can understand what Lup's saying, and a part of her wants to be relieved, because at least Lup is taking all of this seriously. But there's still just... everything else; the first time she's ever had feelings for someone being unrequited, the way she just blurted it out like all the self-control she fought so hard to master was all for nothing...]

... What do you mean? [Why....?] Because... we got along?

[Proof that self-control is fake, obviously.]

Cuz you're a good friend, nerd. You've got a big heart an' you're funny an' you were one of the first monsters here to help me out, even when I was kind of a giant bitch.

[Look, you don't crawl out of a living, flesh wall and manage to smile the rest of the day. You just don't.]

Pretty sure I scared the shit outta you and you still wanted to help me. You're good, Elsa.

[... Okay, that gets a somewhat holly, shaky laugh out of Elsa.]

On more than one occasion...

[Remember that time you threatened to set the poor nymph on fire?? Because Elsa sure does, and looking back on that incident, it was kind of funny. It... doesn't quite break the tension, because Elsa's shoulders are still locked up like a soldier's on inspection, but it feels a little less like her gut's twisted up like a spring ready to pop, and she's not as sickly pale green as she was moments before. Still... she's keeping her distance, and not looking Lup in the eye.]

"Funny"... that's a new one. Everyone always called Anna the funny one out of the two of us, never me.

[Deflecting again?? Elsa??? Psh what are you talking about.]

[Considering how desperate the young woman looks, Lup will take that short laugh as a victory. It's a start.]

Sorry, hun, but I'm callin' horseshit on that. You're hilarious.

[Sure, a lot of times they've been brought together by Drama, but Elsa and Lup have also just hung out to hang out before, and Lup's always left the other's side feeling warm and light from how fun it is. Under that shy exterior, is a pretty bomb girl.]

And before you try an' disagree, we both know Anna would so take my side in this. You're funnier than you think. An' just lots of fun too.

Now that's just cheating.

[Even with the laugh and halfhearted smile, neither of them really reach Elsa's eyes, which are still very pointedly avoiding Lup's. For now, they're focusing on her hands once more as she fidgets.]

... I don't think I've been very fun lately, though. I'm sorry.

[Cheating is a big part of the Lup Taaco brand, thank you very much. She'll take that compliment.]

Hey.

[And maybe it's a little too soon, but Lup's held back for as long as she can. She slithers forward, just close enough to reach out and grab Elsa's hand.]

We've both had a rough time lately. S'not our fault this place too our siblings. You're good, Elsa. And you and me? We're fine.

[Lup will be able to feel the way Elsa flinches at the touch, but now she doesn't pull away. It might not be a bad sign, that, but with how jumpy Elsa was until now... it's not exactly good, either. Because Elsa wants this, wants the feeling of someone's hand around hers... but she can't have it.]

Not only that. Just... everything. Avoiding you. Dumping all of this on you. I never wanted any of that to happen. I was so worried about the potential of ruining things that I almost did so by trying to prevent it...

[Elsa may flinch, but she accepts the touch, which means she better be ready for what comes next. Lup's bigger, faster, definitely stronger, so good luck getting out of the hug she drags the younger woman into, skinny arms wrapped around her shoulders, keeping her close.]

You're fine, babe. I'm not even pissed. Was just a little worried, y'know? But this? We're so good.

[Lup's not an expert at these kinds of situations for sure, but look, she's trying her hardest to help ease the other woman's hurt, to make her feel like she doesn't have to hide.]

And for the record, if you were a little older, I'd hit that. You're a total babe.

[For a moment, Elsa tenses, because she has to keep it together she can't cry when she feels that hug and how nice it makes her feel because she can't have that and--

.... And then Lup says that and the sound that Elsa makes can only really be described as an embarrassed, somewhat mortified squawk as she pulls away, her face such a dark shade of green it almost looks purple.]

Y-You-you what?? That's-- [THAT'S PROBABLY INAPPROPRIATE???] That's--um! Okay?

[oh god please strike her down now she has no idea what to say to this. Can she deflect again without making it awkward??]

You. H-How old do you think I am?

[WAIT NO THAT MAKES IT SOUND LIKE SHE'S HOPEFUL OR SOMETHING--]

[Well now, that sure was a sound.

Lup doesn't let Elsa get out of the hug so easily, but she does pull back just enough to catch the other woman's face, to see the way she flushes dark, stammering so cutely against her. Now this is the kind of reaction Lup is more comfortable with, her expression shifting to something soft and teasing, the corners of her mouth curling upwards.]

Fair warning, elves age way differently than humans, so don't get all huffy with me for guessing wrong. [She wouldn't believe how offended folks get when they ask an elf to guess their age.] But like, I'unno, thirty-six? Forty? Pretty young either way.

[... Oh, right. Lup wasn't human before arriving in Ryslig. Elsa knew that elves (well... the elves in the stories she read, at least) and other creatures similar to fae had much, much longer lifespans than humans, but that sort of... never really sunk in until now. She's not offended or anything, it's just??? weird???]

I- ah... I wish I could say you were close, but I'm twenty-two. Which is past the age of adulthood in Arendelle, though I suppose some from other worlds might not think so...

[God, why is she even telling Lup this?? It's making her look pathetic, insisting she's an adult after what Lup said, after vomiting up her feelings like that and resigning herself to the struggle of getting over this crush...]

N-Not that any of that matters... um. [Her blush doesn't fade at all, but a hint of hesitation begins to bleed into the embarrassment.] You... you should probably let me go now.

[so she can go bury herself in a hole and not come out for a few weeks]

To give you a little perspective, hun, I'm over two hundred.

[Enough to be Elsa's great, great, great grandma, almost, if not more. It's a big difference, one that Lup really can't just ignore, no matter how close in age they appear to be.

But Elsa's got all awkward in her arms so of course the elf is going to let her loose when she's asked, Lup slithering back as best as her body allows, just to give Elsa a little breathing room. This isn't done, not exactly, but she understands if the younger woman wants some time to herself to think it through.]

Sure, I get it. And I'll give you whatever space you want, but we're still friends, Elsa, alright? This doesn't mean we aren't good.

[As Lup releases her, there's a sharp pang in Elsa's chest, and whether it's from disappointment or something else, she's not sure. But either way, it hurts, and she once more wraps her arms around herself in that gesture of anxiety that Lup knows so well now.]

Good... yeah. [Elsa's not sure if she believes it, but at least she's listening when Lup says it this time. That's... something.] I don't know what I'll do, but I'll just... I'll figure all of this out. I promise.

[Pause.]

And for the record, you don't look your age at all.

[... it's a joke?? do those jokes fly well with people who live hundreds to thousands of years???]

No doubt.

[Because of course Lup can be there for her every step of the way, but so much of this is going to Elsa working through it, dealing with her own feelings, striving to find the balance that she needs to find a little peace in her life. It sounds impossible now in the middle of everything, when she probably feels like her own feelings are strangling her from the inside out, but Lup has faith in her.

Elsa will be fine. They'll make it out on the other side in no time.

Maybe to most folks, now would not be the time for jokes, but Lup appreciates a break in the serious always, her smile curling just wide enough to show a flash of the fangs beneath.]

Bet I don't look a day over a hundred.

[Lup's faith in Elsa is something that will never fail to confuse the nymph. She falls apart here, so obviously unable to successfully squash down her feelings... and Lup believes she can crush this crush? Even Elsa isn't sure she can do it; after all, it took her so long to start coping with all the bad feelings she bottled up after the start of her isolation... how long will this take? Having to push back a good feeling, after realizing that good feelings are supposed to help her?

This is all a mess.]

You really don't. [And yet she still tries to joke. Because the more she doesn't focus on these feelings, the easy it is to wrangle them into that familiar dark, guarded corner of her heart.] I bet you could even pass for ninety.

[Is that too young?? Is she pushing a weird line here???]

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, QUEENOFICEOLATION. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 013.11.221.20 * QUEENOFICEOLATION has joined 013.11.221.20 <QUEENOFICEOLATION> I think I've finally gotten the hang of these devices. <QUEENOFICEOLATION> So! <QUEENOFICEOLATION> There's no harm in setting up one of these, yes? <QUEENOFICEOLATION>** (Thanks to those of you who helped me do so and I'm sorry if I frustrated anyone)