defyingfrigidity | [route_29 IC Inbox/Voicemail]

[So after 'discussing' things with Anna, and 'talking' to Serah, Lightning decides to take their pretty forced upon advice and contacts Elsa. She just needed and excuse. And she has one.

Elsa will see a Dratini on the screen that is looking at something behind the camera. He seems rather intent on whatever it is.]

... I know I said I wouldn't contact you, but I did promise to show you the Dratini when it hatched. His name is Cerys, and he is a rather serious boy. And also very loving. He'll be very strong one day.

[Cerys looks happy with the praise and moves off screen. There's a gasp and the device falls to the floor to show the ceiling.]

C-Cerys! You can hug me later!

[The sigh that follows sounds tired and worn, followed by a soft laugh.]

Alright. Let me turn the gear off.

[Lightning may have to wait a while before getting a response. Elsa is... confused. Lightning told her she won't contact Elsa until Elsa was ready, but now she's just.... doing this? And acting like nothing happened?

Elsa's not angry, of course. She's just confused. And feeling really guilty, still. It's why she favors text over audio or video, so Lightning can't see or hear any hints of it on her face or in her voice. Elsa's not sure if she can cover that up right now.]

Thank you. I'm happy to hear that he takes after his mother in at least one way.

[So she replied by text. Light had a feeling she would. While Serah is still baking, she'll type a reply instead.]

Anna contacted me. I told her everything. She wasn't happy with me. After our talk I realized that I may have overreacted.

I'm sorry. I still want to be your friend.

[Lightning has already given up anyways. May as well be cordial with the young woman who was the sister to the girl who wants to be friends with Serah.]

[... Sigh. Looks like she's going to have to have a chat with Anna soon.]

I'm sorry. I'll make sure she apologizes as well.

... Why?

[This will hurt her for the rest of the time she is here, but Lightning doesn't lie. Her honesty has cost her a lot already, but lies are unfair.]

She doesn't have to apologise. She made me realize I did something I shouldn't have done at all. I'm sorry. If I could take that night back, I would. I never planned on telling you how I felt at all. I can't ask you to forget it. That'd be impossible. Just know I will never act on it, or mention it again.

I want to be your friend because I think you are a kind, intelligent individual. I enjoy talking to you.

Would it be too much to ask to start over?

[But that's not very fair to Lightning, is it...? Having to avoid those feelings, just because of Elsa... but she does seem like she's really hoping for this, so...]

If that's what you want... okay.

[It just. Might take some time for Elsa to stop feeling guilty enough to talk to Lightning face-to-face.]

[Light doubts they'll ever meet. She's not okay with this, but if this sacrifice meant she could still talk to Elsa, it'd be worth it.]
To be honest, this isn't what I want. But I value our friendship. I don't want to scare you again. I don't want to push you away anymore. It's not fair to either of us.

Whatever you decide to do, I'll support your decision.

Like I said, I'd like to take you up on your offer to start over.

But this shouldn't be about me. Even if you don't want to push me away, you should still do what's best for you.

[...She's unaware that she's pretty much telling Lightning the exact opposite of what Anna told her. Sorry, Lightning; this is what happens when you have to deal with both these sisters.]

[It takes her an hour to reply. Mostly because she is frustrated.]
I know what I want to do. But wanting something and knowing when not to act on it are two different things.

You and your sister are exact opposites. She tells me to only consider you and not to give up on love. You tell me to focus on myself with no regards for what you want.

So tell me something, and please be honest, as I've been honest with you.

What do you want? From this. From me.

[She knew talking to Lightning would make everything worse. Despite everyone else's comforting words, she knew. Damnit, Anna...

She's not used to wanting things for herself. She's a Queen. She's supposed to put everyone else before her in all aspects of her life. Even when it came to her powers, she always had to think of others, of the safety of everyone around her, before she thought of how everything was taking a toll on her.]

I just want you to be happy. In whatever way you can be. If that means starting over, okay. We can do that.

But... if that means you also don't wish to talk to me anymore... I can accept that too.

[Even though it would hurt her.]

[She reads this and her heart hurts.]
Look, I speak from experience about what I am about to tell you.

Everything I have ever done was for other people. Saving my sister, Cocoon, time itself, and then the souls of a dying world. Everything I did was a sacrifice to my own happiness. I gave away my own emotions so I could better save people.

It was the worst decision of my life.

I did get them back, and I realized that I was the one keeping myself from being happy because all I ever did was think of other people and their happiness.

You're doing the same thing I did. You're not just a Queen and a sister, you're Elsa first and foremost. For once, don't worry about what others think, and tell me what you want. Please.

But that is what I want. Honestly. I don't want anyone I care about to be uncomfortable just because they're talking to me, and I don't want anyone to feel like they're forced to talk to me because of something someone else said or did. I got enough of those sorts of people back home.

Here, it doesn't matter if I'm a queen or not. I just want to be someone that people can talk to normally, without titles or obligations or anything like that. So if you feel uncomfortable, if you don't want to do this... then I don't want you to force yourself to talk to me or keep trying to be friends with me.

That's why I'm letting you choose.

[Well, she's so frustrated now that she is going to do the thing she said she wouldn't.]

I talk to you because I want to. Why would I feel forced. When you have someone you like or love, don't you want to talk to them every minute of the day? To see them happy above all else?

I want to be happy when it comes to you. I regret pushing you away. All I ask for is honesty. That you don't feel forced to hold back with me. If you want to be angry with me, hate me, like me, anything, I would rather it be real feelings.

[ The video flicks on, and this time, it's not Lightning, but Serah on the gear, outside in Pallet Town. She looks half sympathetic, half frustrated. ]

Hi, Elsa. I hope this is okay, but... I think Lightning's having a bit of trouble getting out what she really wants to say. Lightning really does love you. But she also wants to keep the friendship between you two. Basically, she doesn't want anything to ruin your friendship. [ Serah takes a deep breath. ] She really likes talking to you. I can tell that much. And losing the friendship she has with you? She knows it's not good, for both of you, I think.

So even if you never return her feelings, she doesn't want to lose you. But if you ever do return them, she'll respond in kind. Lightning doesn't want you to feel pressured to return her feelings, though. That's the last thing she wants.

[Okay, this... this is slightly better.]

I don't want anything to ruin it either. I just don't know what I can do to avoid that. I've never been in this situation, after all.

It is kind of a scary situation, huh? But, Elsa... as long as you don't push each other away, I don't think your relationship could be ruined. It's really as simple as that. I should know. I've been in that situation--on both sides. It's hard, but I think you two can work past this bump, and I really hope you do.

[ Look in your inbox, Elsa, and you'll find a picture of Naminé and her Ralts. ]

He hatched a while back, and I thought you'd like to see how he's doing. I've named him Gwion.

[Obviously Namine can't see it because of the text feature, but Elsa can't stop smiling at that picture. And you can bet she showed Odin and Frigga!]

I'm glad to see that he's doing well! That's certainly a good name you picked out. Is... there any sort of significance behind it?

... I hope so too.

[She just. Feels awful for hurting someone like this.]

[ She's glad this isn't a video because she's a little red about the cheeks. ]

It's the name of a knight. I read it in a book, and he happened to be there, and he told me he liked the name.

If you're ever unsure of what to do... follow your heart. It's what knows you best, I think. And I'm sure Anna will always be there to help you out, too.

Unfortunately, more often than not my heart is telling me several different things at once.

But... that's still very good advice. I'll keep that in mind.

A knight? Oh my. I bet he's very eager to grow into a wonderful Gallade, then.

Edited 2015-05-10 23:41 (UTC)

Believe me, I know the feeling. I can help you as much as I can, too. I know this is the second time we've spoken, but you're my friend. And Lightning is my sister, of course. I want you both to be happy.

[ Pretty much, and it's making Naminé even more embarrassed. ]

He says he wants to be a Gallade more than anything.

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