defyingfrigidity | [route_29 IC Inbox/Voicemail]

[It takes her an hour to reply. Mostly because she is frustrated.]
I know what I want to do. But wanting something and knowing when not to act on it are two different things.

You and your sister are exact opposites. She tells me to only consider you and not to give up on love. You tell me to focus on myself with no regards for what you want.

So tell me something, and please be honest, as I've been honest with you.

What do you want? From this. From me.

[She knew talking to Lightning would make everything worse. Despite everyone else's comforting words, she knew. Damnit, Anna...

She's not used to wanting things for herself. She's a Queen. She's supposed to put everyone else before her in all aspects of her life. Even when it came to her powers, she always had to think of others, of the safety of everyone around her, before she thought of how everything was taking a toll on her.]

I just want you to be happy. In whatever way you can be. If that means starting over, okay. We can do that.

But... if that means you also don't wish to talk to me anymore... I can accept that too.

[Even though it would hurt her.]

[She reads this and her heart hurts.]
Look, I speak from experience about what I am about to tell you.

Everything I have ever done was for other people. Saving my sister, Cocoon, time itself, and then the souls of a dying world. Everything I did was a sacrifice to my own happiness. I gave away my own emotions so I could better save people.

It was the worst decision of my life.

I did get them back, and I realized that I was the one keeping myself from being happy because all I ever did was think of other people and their happiness.

You're doing the same thing I did. You're not just a Queen and a sister, you're Elsa first and foremost. For once, don't worry about what others think, and tell me what you want. Please.

But that is what I want. Honestly. I don't want anyone I care about to be uncomfortable just because they're talking to me, and I don't want anyone to feel like they're forced to talk to me because of something someone else said or did. I got enough of those sorts of people back home.

Here, it doesn't matter if I'm a queen or not. I just want to be someone that people can talk to normally, without titles or obligations or anything like that. So if you feel uncomfortable, if you don't want to do this... then I don't want you to force yourself to talk to me or keep trying to be friends with me.

That's why I'm letting you choose.

[Well, she's so frustrated now that she is going to do the thing she said she wouldn't.]

I talk to you because I want to. Why would I feel forced. When you have someone you like or love, don't you want to talk to them every minute of the day? To see them happy above all else?

I want to be happy when it comes to you. I regret pushing you away. All I ask for is honesty. That you don't feel forced to hold back with me. If you want to be angry with me, hate me, like me, anything, I would rather it be real feelings.

[ The video flicks on, and this time, it's not Lightning, but Serah on the gear, outside in Pallet Town. She looks half sympathetic, half frustrated. ]

Hi, Elsa. I hope this is okay, but... I think Lightning's having a bit of trouble getting out what she really wants to say. Lightning really does love you. But she also wants to keep the friendship between you two. Basically, she doesn't want anything to ruin your friendship. [ Serah takes a deep breath. ] She really likes talking to you. I can tell that much. And losing the friendship she has with you? She knows it's not good, for both of you, I think.

So even if you never return her feelings, she doesn't want to lose you. But if you ever do return them, she'll respond in kind. Lightning doesn't want you to feel pressured to return her feelings, though. That's the last thing she wants.

[Okay, this... this is slightly better.]

I don't want anything to ruin it either. I just don't know what I can do to avoid that. I've never been in this situation, after all.

It is kind of a scary situation, huh? But, Elsa... as long as you don't push each other away, I don't think your relationship could be ruined. It's really as simple as that. I should know. I've been in that situation--on both sides. It's hard, but I think you two can work past this bump, and I really hope you do.

... I hope so too.

[She just. Feels awful for hurting someone like this.]

If you're ever unsure of what to do... follow your heart. It's what knows you best, I think. And I'm sure Anna will always be there to help you out, too.

Unfortunately, more often than not my heart is telling me several different things at once.

But... that's still very good advice. I'll keep that in mind.

Believe me, I know the feeling. I can help you as much as I can, too. I know this is the second time we've spoken, but you're my friend. And Lightning is my sister, of course. I want you both to be happy.

[route_29 IC Inbox/Voicemail]

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