defyingfrigidity | Ninth Flake [text]

Entry tags:

Ninth Flake [text]

[This is new: a post from Elsa not in video. Normally she tries to use it as often as she can, since it helps her with talking to people without the intimidation of being face-to-face in person. But she's feeling kind of... not quite upset, but not like herself today. She'd rather not let that bleed into the video and audio, so for now, text it is.]

I just noticed the anniversary of a very important event in my life is almost here. The thing itself wasn't so bad - it was certainly something to celebrate at least - but the events that happened during and after it... they were more than a bit terrible.

[Yeah she's being kind of vague here. But only because she hasn't really told anyone about the whole "Eternal Winter" thing. And she's.... still somewhat afraid to. People know about what happened with Anna, yes, but if they knew she'd almost sentenced her entire kingdom to an eternal winter of suffering... would they act different towards her then?]

Even so, I... look back somewhat fondly on those days, despite the bad things that happened. Because even though bad things happened, a lot of good came out of it in the end.

Still... is that odd?

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

But the people'll be happier because they don't have to pay money! Sure, maybe we'll have to make some budget cuts and stuff, but we'll have all the chocolate we can eat, right?

[Is she joking..?]

Yeah...as much as it hurts, sometimes you're really not going to be able to let those memories go. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, either.

It sounds like that you really want what's best for people, yeah? You just gotta remember what's best for you too. And if it's better for you not to dwell on what happened...then that's what you should try to do. But I don't think anyone's gonna judge you for wanting to forget, either.

...Well, tact would at least suggest that you not say it to them.

I understand that some of it can't be put easily into an analogy, because these aren't just "other people"; they're your subjects, and so there's a level upon which you have a duty to them. The house example doesn't account for that, nor does it consider the feeling that you personally have an obligation to put your happiness second to that of the people who depend on you.

But I still think they're distinguishable considerations. It's not wrong to be happy that something in your life is better, in and of itself. I think that's different than being happy that something in your life is better at someone else's expense.

I see. That's a valid fear and I think that's an understandable reaction. You didn't have a plan in place for what would happen to your kingdom though, did you?

[It's still not accusing despite the blunt words.]

My best friend nearly died and still has a massive scar on his chest because of my mistakes.

I don't like to talk about it, I don't even like to look at it.

But it happened, and that ended up being necessary to teach us how to work together more effectively...and to be better friends.

I don't see bad things happening as the worst thing that can ever be, those things just end up being part of you and changing you little by little. I don't know what happened to you, Miss, and I won't tell you how to process it just because I think of it this way, but you came out of it a stronger person I'm guessing, and closer to your loved ones.

No, but that didn't stop them from being great rulers.

Sounds like your council is made up of old grumpy men. If they don't let you talk to your people face to face, then there's something going on they either think you can't handle or they're trying to cover up.

If they think you can't handle it, not asking them just shows them they're right! How can you make sure your people like you if you let them hide you?

Oh, no one really knows how to grow the way we want to. The best we can do is make the choices that seem right at the time with the information we have, and learn from the consequences of our actions. That's why knowledge is so powerful. It's one of the few things that can actually help us make the right decisions, even if we can only gain that knowledge from making the wrong ones first.

... If it helps, I know someone who once put the entire world in danger, and she's moved past it and become not only a stronger person but a very noble and just leader. I'd tell you more, but it's really not my place to talk about.

I don't know. Ask me again when I've had some real time to deal with it. Maybe it does. People told me it does.

... Some time ago, you mentioned the rulers of the place where you come from. And you say this person is a leader... is she one of those rulers?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry after you said that it's not your place to talk about, but... I hope it's okay to ask that, at least.

[From the hints she got during her conversations with Twilight, it seems like her world is a good, prosperous place. Knowing that it's watched over in part by someone who was in a similar situation as her... that would help, at least a bit.]

Not... a plan, per se. But I have a younger sister, who can be quite capable with anything she puts her mind to. The council that aids the royal family is quite willing to help as well, though they could have a bit of a firm hand sometimes.

I was panicking and not thinking straight, yes, but I didn't think Arendelle would have floundered if I never came back.

[After all, the council more or less ran Arendelle in her stead in the three years since her parents' deaths and her coronation. Things were going well for that long, so there's no doubt they could have kept things running in the time it took to help Anna prepare to take the role that Elsa had so carelessly abandoned...]

Ah... yes, Anna is my younger sister.

She's told me as much. And I know I should listen to her, at the very least... I'd be foolish not to, after all she's done for me back in Arendelle.

But at the same time... I still regret a lot of things that happened. That's what's making all of this so complicated, I think.

You... can't? Why not?

[Ohhh she hopes she's not prodding too much here...]

[Gee, that... sure sounds a bit familiar, doesn't it...]

Sometimes I wonder, though. If I really did grow from it.

Things changed, yes, and many of them for the better, but... that I still have to question matter such as this makes me feel like I didn't grow much at all.

[For a moment, Elsa just. Gives Anna A Look. A surprised, somewhat worried look.

And then... then she just laughs. Sorry, Anna, you gotta give her a second....]

Okay, I'm gonna be jerk of the week to you again in a second and I guess I apologize for that but apparently being jerk of the week is just what I'm good at here.

But it sounds to me like no matter what anyone here tells you, you're going to keep beating yourself over it because nothing we say can make you decide to not feel guilty about what happened. You're the only one that can decide that and if you're not ready to hear advice right now you're going to keep finding reasons to feel guilty, you know? So it's not like there's anything any of us can do about it outside of maybe listen to you and let you vent a little.

If you want to do that then I guess that's fine and I guess I actually apologize and not just vague-apologize because I'm kind of used to working out everyone's problems and how they probably should have gone about fixing them so that's what I default to. And I'm not too great at reading social cues and no tone over text and a million other excuses and stuff that don't really make it any better.

Sorry you're going through a hard time, though, seems a lot of people are beating themselves up over stuff lately. The fact that you actually feel bad about stuff that happened is a good sign, for what it's worth, because no matter what you did a truly shitty person wouldn't bother feeling bad about it.

That makes sense. A council has always made more sense to me than relying on one person as a ruler.

That doesn't sound all that bad though. It sounds like there was a system in place that could help if you did leave. Did something else happen?

W-what?! What's so funny, huh?! I think it's a great plan..!

[But it looks like she's got a case of the giggles herself...]

I suppose I should have expected you to figure that much out. Yes, you're quite correct. But please, don't ask me to go into any more specifics. That's something only she should talk about.

[She really hopes Luna wouldn't be upset with her for sharing what she already has, in fact...]

For what it's worth, I don't think you're being a jerk. It can be a bit frustrating, dealing with stubborn people, and... I do realize I'm being stubborn right now.

It's just... I've been dealing with guilt like this, over even the most ridiculous things, for most of my life. Even though I know your advice and the advice of others is valid, and I do appreciate everyone trying to help... it's just difficult, trying to push back the bad feelings that have been around for that long. Like pushing a boulder up a hill.

I'm terribly sorry if this sounds like just some ridiculous sob story, I... don't mean for it to come off that way. This is the first time I've ever really been able to talk about these things that have been bothering me, even with my family, so I'm kind of... stumbling.

I want to thank you, though. The venting does help to blow this all over. And... thank you. For being so blunt.

[Elsa are you really thanking someone who got annoyed at you...]

I appreciate everyone's kind words, but sometimes, I think it helps just as much to get a metaphorical smack on the head. if that... makes any sense at all.

[Elsa shakes her head, still laughing.]

I-It's just... only you could so easily make jokes like this, when others would make it sound like something that could only end badly...!

No no, it's okay! I promise I won't ask any more questions. I just wanted to ask that one because... well.

The way you talked about the ones who rule your land makes it clear that they're very well-loved. So knowing that se did terrible things in the past, and hearing how the people still love her is... very reassuring, when I think about my predicament here.

Well...can you compare how you were then to how you are now and see differences? That's the first question you should ask yourself. How you're handling any current problems might become clearer--not that I'm going to push learning about your current situation.

I-I don't think it'd go that badly!

[IT SO OBVIOUSLY WOULD...]

An accident is still an accident. I don't think any differently of you.

I'm not sure what it's like for other kingdoms, but yes, I'm much less of a solo ruler than some. It's true that a lot of final decisions are made by me alone, but I usually come to those decisions with help from them. They also took care of things in my place after the deaths of my parents, but before I was of age to take the throne.

[She's joked about the people on her council, but really, she doesn't know what she'd do without them.]

As for something happening... I ran because I was afraid. I let it slip that I had magical abilities, and I was... worried about how my people would act. Magic isn't a common thing in my world, you see.

I was also worried about accidentally hurting them, as well...

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 7 of 8

Ninth Flake [text]

no subject

no subject

[private]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

: Private Text

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject