Queen ❅ Elsa (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
defyingfrigidity) wrote2015-07-15 11:31 pm
defyingfrigidity) wrote2015-07-15 11:31 pm
Ninth Flake [text]
[This is new: a post from Elsa not in video. Normally she tries to use it as often as she can, since it helps her with talking to people without the intimidation of being face-to-face in person. But she's feeling kind of... not quite upset, but not like herself today. She'd rather not let that bleed into the video and audio, so for now, text it is.]
I just noticed the anniversary of a very important event in my life is almost here. The thing itself wasn't so bad - it was certainly something to celebrate at least - but the events that happened during and after it... they were more than a bit terrible.
[Yeah she's being kind of vague here. But only because she hasn't really told anyone about the whole "Eternal Winter" thing. And she's.... still somewhat afraid to. People know about what happened with Anna, yes, but if they knew she'd almost sentenced her entire kingdom to an eternal winter of suffering... would they act different towards her then?]
Even so, I... look back somewhat fondly on those days, despite the bad things that happened. Because even though bad things happened, a lot of good came out of it in the end.
Still... is that odd?
I just noticed the anniversary of a very important event in my life is almost here. The thing itself wasn't so bad - it was certainly something to celebrate at least - but the events that happened during and after it... they were more than a bit terrible.
[Yeah she's being kind of vague here. But only because she hasn't really told anyone about the whole "Eternal Winter" thing. And she's.... still somewhat afraid to. People know about what happened with Anna, yes, but if they knew she'd almost sentenced her entire kingdom to an eternal winter of suffering... would they act different towards her then?]
Even so, I... look back somewhat fondly on those days, despite the bad things that happened. Because even though bad things happened, a lot of good came out of it in the end.
Still... is that odd?
no subject
...That family you mentioned. That's...Ana? Anna? I don't know how she spells it. She's a princess from Norway, mentioned a sister named Elsa. I'm guessing that's you.
I'm pretty sure she'd say it was worth it, too, for the record. She's kinda over the moon for you.
no subject
She's told me as much. And I know I should listen to her, at the very least... I'd be foolish not to, after all she's done for me back in Arendelle.
But at the same time... I still regret a lot of things that happened. That's what's making all of this so complicated, I think.
no subject
But it sounds to me like no matter what anyone here tells you, you're going to keep beating yourself over it because nothing we say can make you decide to not feel guilty about what happened. You're the only one that can decide that and if you're not ready to hear advice right now you're going to keep finding reasons to feel guilty, you know? So it's not like there's anything any of us can do about it outside of maybe listen to you and let you vent a little.
If you want to do that then I guess that's fine and I guess I actually apologize and not just vague-apologize because I'm kind of used to working out everyone's problems and how they probably should have gone about fixing them so that's what I default to. And I'm not too great at reading social cues and no tone over text and a million other excuses and stuff that don't really make it any better.
Sorry you're going through a hard time, though, seems a lot of people are beating themselves up over stuff lately. The fact that you actually feel bad about stuff that happened is a good sign, for what it's worth, because no matter what you did a truly shitty person wouldn't bother feeling bad about it.
no subject
It's just... I've been dealing with guilt like this, over even the most ridiculous things, for most of my life. Even though I know your advice and the advice of others is valid, and I do appreciate everyone trying to help... it's just difficult, trying to push back the bad feelings that have been around for that long. Like pushing a boulder up a hill.
I'm terribly sorry if this sounds like just some ridiculous sob story, I... don't mean for it to come off that way. This is the first time I've ever really been able to talk about these things that have been bothering me, even with my family, so I'm kind of... stumbling.
I want to thank you, though. The venting does help to blow this all over. And... thank you. For being so blunt.
[Elsa are you really thanking someone who got annoyed at you...]
I appreciate everyone's kind words, but sometimes, I think it helps just as much to get a metaphorical smack on the head. if that... makes any sense at all.
no subject
I've seen what that sort of stuff does to people in the long run though and it's really not good, I'm not saying you should just get over it or anything but it might be good to keep someone around that you can talk to about this sort of stuff before it eats you alive, you know?
no subject
But sometimes... I think talking to other people is better, like now. It was tough to listen, but it still helped. Talking about different experiences helps just as much as someone close to you always listening to you when you need it does.