defyingfrigidity | [ryslig IC Inbox]

[Elsa wants to be open. She wants it so bad. She hates the way her stomach knots up so often with how nervous she gets, she hates the feeling of walking on eggshells around people she shouldn't have to. Elsa was never someone who wanted to put distance between herself and others; she was just as playful and outgoing (though somewhat shyer) a child as her sister was, and deep down, she's still like that.

So Lup's words hurt. Not because she said anything bad, it just... something that slips right between the cracks in the wall she put around herself. So she's quiet for a moment, mulling over her words, before speaking carefully.]

... Thank you, Lup. I... I've talked about it before, but that offer.. it helps. A lot. [But also not because it makes trying to get over this so much harder.] I'm just... dealing with some. Um. Personal feelings? That I'm trying to get over.

[Maybe if she can be vague enough, she can talk about it without cluing Lup in...?]

[It's a true show of how close they are, of how their relationship has evolved that Lup is patient enough to wait while Elsa sorts through her immediate feelings. The elf's always been the kind to never pause, to never waste a single second of her time, no matter who that means leaving behind. But if there's one thing that Ryslig is beginning to force her to understand, it's to slow down a little, to acknowledge that not everyone is as quick to make decisions or find the right words as she is.

And Elsa is exactly one of those people who she knows needs more time to mull over her thoughts. So Lup settles near her and waits as patiently as she can, the end of her tail coiling this way and that beneath her, the only evidence of how much control she's using to wait.]

'Course, hun, s'what friends are for, right? You need a hand an' chagirl is right here to help.

[Personal feelings sure sends off a red flag for Lup - that is so not her area of expertise - but the naga grins either way.] If you want a pal to hear you out, I'm free. Run your shit by me if you want.

[God, why does Lup make it so easy to talk to her? She should be the last person Elsa should be mentioning this to, but... it's different, from when she talked to Marco. He helped a lot, absolutely, and she's very grateful to him. But she's not as... relaxed with him as she is with Lup. Even with this knot of anxiety twisting her up inside, there's a part of her that wants to let it all out as soon as Lup offers.

... Carefully, of course. She can't let Lup find out...]

Have you ever... had feelings for someone you're not supposed to? And you're not sure how to get over them?

[Oh.

Oh.

Suddenly this all makes sense.

The worry creasing between Lup's scaled brows suddenly disappears at that revelation, a twitch at the corner of her mouth revealing her growing amusement at Elsa's current predicament.

What can she say? It's adorable.]

Why the rush to get over those feelings, chickadee?

[Oh god. Oh god was she too obvious?? Did she say something that would clue Lup in? This is terrible this is the worst Elsa why are you so STUPID--

Despite being close to a meltdown on the inside, outwardly the only tell Elsa drops is the fidgeting of her hands. Over and over and over they twist, with only a pause as she presses one thumb into the opposite palm. It's an old nervous habit, one she developed after her coronations and the gates opened once more; without her gloves, there was no barrier, no comforting weight against her hands when she felt her powers were creeping up and out of control. So pressing her hands together like that... it helped. Or at least, it felt like it did.

Even having gone so long without her powers, Elsa's habits are hard to break. So she keeps on fidgeting.]

Because... it's not appropriate. They're not someone I should be having feelings for.

[It's not a tell that Lup is too familiar with from Elsa, but it doesn't take the woman much to clue the elf into just what may be going on. Elsa, as much as she's grown, is still a mess of anxieties and nerves. That kind of thing never fully disappears - Barry's been struggling with it for decades even with all of his new confidence and growth - so Lup thinks she understands.

Which is why she reaches out a friendly hand to place over Elsa's fidgeting ones, surprisingly gentle in her touch.]

Well, why not?

[Lup asks as if it was just that simple.]

[... She's not going to be able to escape this, will she? Either she tries to shut things down (which has always made things worse for her), she starts pushing Lup away, things become awkward... no matter what she says or does, even if she just outright tells Lup, things... things are going to change.

Good job, Elsa.]

Because they're... taken. Married.

[Elsa's not looking at Lup. Not even down at their hands. Where moments ago she was jittering nonstop, now she's just... still, gaze focused somewhere off to the side and shoulders slumped. Defeated.]

[Now that's a posture of Elsa's that Lup feels familiar with. One that absolutely tugs at her heart.]

Guess that makes it a little trickier.

[Lup can't help that she's already going through all of the married monsters that she knows, alright. It just happens, okay! She's nosy and needs to know details like yesterday!]

I have a sneaking suspicion that this is the first time you've felt like this, right?

[.... Elsa's not sure if she should be feeling like she dodged a cannonball right now or not. It... doesn't seem like Lup caught on??? Or maybe she has and she's ignoring it?? Or or or--

God. All of this is going to be terrible for her heart in so many ways, isn't it??]

It is. I never really let myself think of things like romance or attraction when I was growing up, and by the time the world opened up to me.. I was dragged here not long after. [Okay... okay. She can do this.] But that doesn't matter... I want to get over it. I need to. Somehow.

[Just breathe, girlfriend. Just breathe.]

I think I got it. [And she does. Coming to terms with love after a lifetime of keeping feelings like that at a distance, finally giving in to the realization of her actually being in love, it's a Lot. Lup gets that.

The naga reaches out to take Elsa's hand this time, pressing her palm to the other woman's, just holding her hand in the most reassuring, tender way she can think of. For Lup, it helps to be touched and to touch when she's stressing out. To remind her that she isn't alone. She hopes it helps Elsa in the same way.]

Sorry to say, falling out of love isn't as easy, hon. And don't accuse me of bein' a sap or whatever, but it's not exactly a bad thing to be in, even in your sitch. I think your sis would be real happy you even feel that way.

[... Lup doesn't understand. If she did, she wouldn't- wouldn't be so casually touching Elsa like this. It can be comforting to her, this girl who's been touch-starved for thirteen years, and would normally be enough to calm any jitters she might have. But at the same time it tears her up inside, bringing back that terrible self-loathing she tried so hard to bury in the year since her coronation.]

But it is. It... it could ruin one of the best friendships I've ever had. I don't know what I'd do if I made things even more awkward...

[... "Even more"?]

Edited 2018-12-27 06:37 (UTC)

[MMM that sure is an interesting choice in wording, huh.]

Wait a minute, what's that even mean? Why would you crushing on someone kill the friendship? What's already awkward between you? You got to fill in some blanks here, hon.

Because it's you!

[Where a moment ago Elsa was almost too still, now she's a flurry of movement, pulling her hand away from Lup's and jumping to her feet, stepping back a few paces. Her arms are tucked in tight against her stomach, like she's trying to hold herself together, and her expression falls into a mess of horror... and guilt?]

I... I wanted to hide it... I had to. [No matter how hard she tries, Elsa can't hide how her voice shakes as she speaks now.] But no matter what I did, nothing helped. I... I didn't want to start ignoring you, but...

[conceal, don't feel. conceal, don't feel... don't feel...]

I'm sorry...

[It's easily the loudest Lup's ever heard Elsa speak.

And okay, so maybe she should have seen this coming, with the sudden awkwardness between them as of late, how there were moments Elsa just couldn't meet her gaze, how she'd go completely still beneath Lup's touch. The constant flirting and teasing probably didn't help either, but look, that's just all part of the Lup brand. She can't just turn that shit off whenever she wants. It's just who she is.

Still, maybe she should have been just a little more aware, especially since now they are here, with Elsa pacing around wildly, looking so much more open and vulnerable and raw in her emotions than she's allowed herself in months.

But whatever reaction Elsa may be expecting from the older woman, whatever disappointment or anger or concern she thinks she'll see flash across Lup's face, it must be quite a surprise to just see the elf laugh. Softly, not cruelly, a clawed hand already reaching out for her.]

You are the biggest friggin' dork I've ever known. And I know a lot of dorks. C'mere, Elsa. You're fine. [her voice dips down to something softer, more kind] We're fine. I'm not pissed or whatever. We're chill, girl. We're good.

Edited 2018-12-31 00:30 (UTC)

["You're fine." Fine??? Elsa's not fine. She's never fine. Sometimes she feels okay, but there's always that hum of anxiety under her skin; it may be barely noticeable on some, maybe most days... but it's still always there. And now...

Well. Now she's glad that her powers were taken from her, or else she's sure she'd be freezing over the entire cafe at this point.]

I-I can't... [She shakes her head, taking another step back.] We're not... how are we good? I shouldn't be having these feelings in the first place, but I do, and... I told you...!

[Even if it doesn't happen now, things can only start spiraling from here...]

I... I promise, I'll try to get over it soon.

[Welp. This suddenly feels awkward, but maybe not for the reason that Elsa might assume. It's probably not too much of a surprise that Elsa isn't the first friend of Lup's to develop a little crush on her over the last two hundred years. And she's absolutely not the first to make a bit of a scene in professing those feelings.

It's always been so easy for the elf to laugh that kind of adoration off with an affectionate shove to the shoulder, to tease the offending party and make light of the situation. To chase the worry and awkwardness right out of the room. But Elsa's reaction, all hurt and panic and uncertainty in the status of their relationship, that's new. New in a big way. Just the kind of seriousness that Lup tries so often to avoid.

So as easy and it would be for a large, snake woman to chase after the little nymph, Lup lets her take her step back, putting a touch of distance between the two.]

We are good, alright? We are. [It's just a shame her words aren't getting through to her.] Hey - listen to me. Why do you think we're friends?

[The words both do and don't get through to Elsa. She can understand what Lup's saying, and a part of her wants to be relieved, because at least Lup is taking all of this seriously. But there's still just... everything else; the first time she's ever had feelings for someone being unrequited, the way she just blurted it out like all the self-control she fought so hard to master was all for nothing...]

... What do you mean? [Why....?] Because... we got along?

[Proof that self-control is fake, obviously.]

Cuz you're a good friend, nerd. You've got a big heart an' you're funny an' you were one of the first monsters here to help me out, even when I was kind of a giant bitch.

[Look, you don't crawl out of a living, flesh wall and manage to smile the rest of the day. You just don't.]

Pretty sure I scared the shit outta you and you still wanted to help me. You're good, Elsa.

[... Okay, that gets a somewhat holly, shaky laugh out of Elsa.]

On more than one occasion...

[Remember that time you threatened to set the poor nymph on fire?? Because Elsa sure does, and looking back on that incident, it was kind of funny. It... doesn't quite break the tension, because Elsa's shoulders are still locked up like a soldier's on inspection, but it feels a little less like her gut's twisted up like a spring ready to pop, and she's not as sickly pale green as she was moments before. Still... she's keeping her distance, and not looking Lup in the eye.]

"Funny"... that's a new one. Everyone always called Anna the funny one out of the two of us, never me.

[Deflecting again?? Elsa??? Psh what are you talking about.]

[Considering how desperate the young woman looks, Lup will take that short laugh as a victory. It's a start.]

Sorry, hun, but I'm callin' horseshit on that. You're hilarious.

[Sure, a lot of times they've been brought together by Drama, but Elsa and Lup have also just hung out to hang out before, and Lup's always left the other's side feeling warm and light from how fun it is. Under that shy exterior, is a pretty bomb girl.]

And before you try an' disagree, we both know Anna would so take my side in this. You're funnier than you think. An' just lots of fun too.

Now that's just cheating.

[Even with the laugh and halfhearted smile, neither of them really reach Elsa's eyes, which are still very pointedly avoiding Lup's. For now, they're focusing on her hands once more as she fidgets.]

... I don't think I've been very fun lately, though. I'm sorry.

[Cheating is a big part of the Lup Taaco brand, thank you very much. She'll take that compliment.]

Hey.

[And maybe it's a little too soon, but Lup's held back for as long as she can. She slithers forward, just close enough to reach out and grab Elsa's hand.]

We've both had a rough time lately. S'not our fault this place too our siblings. You're good, Elsa. And you and me? We're fine.

[Lup will be able to feel the way Elsa flinches at the touch, but now she doesn't pull away. It might not be a bad sign, that, but with how jumpy Elsa was until now... it's not exactly good, either. Because Elsa wants this, wants the feeling of someone's hand around hers... but she can't have it.]

Not only that. Just... everything. Avoiding you. Dumping all of this on you. I never wanted any of that to happen. I was so worried about the potential of ruining things that I almost did so by trying to prevent it...

[Elsa may flinch, but she accepts the touch, which means she better be ready for what comes next. Lup's bigger, faster, definitely stronger, so good luck getting out of the hug she drags the younger woman into, skinny arms wrapped around her shoulders, keeping her close.]

You're fine, babe. I'm not even pissed. Was just a little worried, y'know? But this? We're so good.

[Lup's not an expert at these kinds of situations for sure, but look, she's trying her hardest to help ease the other woman's hurt, to make her feel like she doesn't have to hide.]

And for the record, if you were a little older, I'd hit that. You're a total babe.

[For a moment, Elsa tenses, because she has to keep it together she can't cry when she feels that hug and how nice it makes her feel because she can't have that and--

.... And then Lup says that and the sound that Elsa makes can only really be described as an embarrassed, somewhat mortified squawk as she pulls away, her face such a dark shade of green it almost looks purple.]

Y-You-you what?? That's-- [THAT'S PROBABLY INAPPROPRIATE???] That's--um! Okay?

[oh god please strike her down now she has no idea what to say to this. Can she deflect again without making it awkward??]

You. H-How old do you think I am?

[WAIT NO THAT MAKES IT SOUND LIKE SHE'S HOPEFUL OR SOMETHING--]

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, QUEENOFICEOLATION. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 013.11.221.20 * QUEENOFICEOLATION has joined 013.11.221.20 <QUEENOFICEOLATION> I think I've finally gotten the hang of these devices. <QUEENOFICEOLATION> So! <QUEENOFICEOLATION> There's no harm in setting up one of these, yes? <QUEENOFICEOLATION>** (Thanks to those of you who helped me do so and I'm sorry if I frustrated anyone)