defyingfrigidity | [route_29 IC Inbox/Voicemail]

[... Uh oh. That look, combined with that choice of words, never spells out anything good...

Still. Elsa can't say no to Asami. So she nods towards one of the chairs in the room - her hands are too busy wringing themselves into knots for her to point.]

Of course. Is... something wrong?

[ Asami only makes a vague gesture at Elsa's question. She doesn't want it to seem like there was a problem, but... ]

I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.

[ She knows it isn't, but what else is she going to start with? ]

That... post on the network was kinda rough.

Post? But I didn't....

[She trails off, trying to figure out what Asami could mean. But then the lightbulb goes off, and she pales a little.]

... Oh. You saw that?

Yeah, I... I did. I didn't mean to, I was just confused by that Pokémon and opened it and...

[ There it all was. ]

How are you doing? With all of that?

[She wants to lie. She really does. But she knows that just her reaction to Asami bringing this up, and with her words to Lightning's Lucario... it would be useless to lie at this point.]

I... I don't know. [She sighs, rubbing her hands together.] Every time I think I can start to put what happened behind me... it's just brought up again, and the wound reopens.

[ Asami deflates a little bit. ]

I know how that goes.

[ She should probably be in therapy after what happened with Dad... ]

Have you... talked to Lightning, at all?

[ Not that Asami's sure she ought to even suggest it. From her perspective, she's the one who owes the apology. ]

[ But she's not going to voice that, right now. ]

I've tried. But it never really goes anywhere. She makes sure the topic stays on something pointless, like our pokemon or something like that.

One time she did bring what happened up, but I just made her angry, so... I try to avoid the subject as much as possible, now.

[And she doesn't even know how to start apologizing for THAT. She didn't think she did anything wrong....]

[ Asami's lips tighten. ]

Really classy, coming from the person who started it all in the first place.

[ Sorry, Elsa, Asami has baggage and very little patience in this department. The gentleness slips back into her voice when she speaks directly to Elsa, though. ]

This isn't your fault, Elsa. I hope you know that.

What? No!

[Lightning to blame for this???? That's a completely absurd idea!]

She just... asked me to make a choice with something. I tried pushing the choice onto her instead of doing it myself, and she got upset because of that. It's.... understandable that she got upset. It really was my fault.

Yes, and that wasn't considerate to your feelings at all. You weren't obligated to make any choice.

[ Asami sighs and lets her anger drain. ]

I'm sorry, I've... tried to mind my own business, but people shouldn't just thrust their feelings on others. It's selfish. Anyone who knew you at all would have known what a big deal that was, and to just... drop of the radar after that? No. It's not okay.

[Elsa flinches a little at the anger in Asami's voice, but doesn't say anything. It's not pleasant, having friends be mad at (ex?)friends, but... she's not going to tell Asami she can't be upset about this. That would probably only make things worse.]

But she... isn't that how it works? That you just... tell someone how you feel about them? And not getting a definite answer from them... I can understand why that would be upsetting.

[That's how it worked in the stories, at least; confessions were always grand things that ended with the protagonists hooking up. Elsa realizes that relying on stories for advice on love is a bit silly, but... it's not like she ever had those kinds of talks with her parents.]

It's not as if I completely denied her feelings. I just... didn't know how to react.

In the stories, maybe.

[ Asami says, basically reaffirming Elsa's thoughts. ]

Feelings are really hard. But that doesn't mean that we aren't still responsible for our actions.

[ She's thought about this a lot... ]

It's tactless to just spring a confession like that on someone, but I don't know the whole story, so I can't really say anything, there. But running away and hiding from the unresolved issue that she created only makes it worse for both of you.

[ Asami sighs. ]

I'm not saying that she did something really terrible. Just that this isn't your fault.

[Elsa's definitely processing what Asami is saying, and a part of her does want to agree. It's just hard, with the iron grip of guilt still clenched firmly around her heart.]

I'm sorry. What you're saying makes sense, just like you always do. I'm just...

[She sighs, running a hand through her hair. It feels too much like fishing for pity here, but... Asami's never side-eyed her for how she felt before. That shouldn't change now... right?]

It's difficult, breaking away from a mindset where you're always blaming yourself before you blame others.

I know. You don't need to apologize.

[ Asami's had her fair share of insight into Elsa's past. ]

Sometimes you just... need to hear it from someone.

... I wish I'd had someone like you with me when I was growing up. Or I wish I'd been able to just talk to Anna back then like I talk to you now.

Maybe I would've turned out different. Better.

[It was always you need to do this Elsa and you need to control it no matter how you're feeling Elsa. There weren't really any gentle reassurances when it came to her trying to figure out her powers - and her feelings, as well, with how close the two were intertwined.]

Well, it can be better now.

The first step is just seeing everything for what it is. Seeing past all the... built up muck and false thoughts that have been built up for so long.

... It'll take a while. A long time, probably. Over a decade's worth of all that built up negativity...

I'm not saying that I don't want to try. I just... don't think things will change all that quickly.

Of course.

[ Asami sighs. ]

I wish you could talk to Korra again... She has some idea of what it's all like, actually. Better than I do, anyway.

I... had a bit of a talk with her, actually. During one of those incidents when my powers returned, she told me about her life growing up. Some things were different, but...

The way she talked, it seems like she and I had quited a bit in common. And as strange as it sounds... that gives me a bit of hope.

[Korra is so strong, so confident in herself and her abilities, and so kind... she's pretty much everything Elsa wants to be. So if she could turn out that way... could Elsa?]

She's been through way more than most people can handle.

[ And somehow come out on the other side even more radiant. ]

I'm glad you at least got to talk while she was here.

[route_29 IC Inbox/Voicemail]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject