defyingfrigidity | Thirteenth Flake [Text]

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Thirteenth Flake [Text]

[Normally, Elsa doesn't care for making text posts. Video helps her be more open people, and even after over a year here, she could always use more help with that! But there are still rare occasions where she just... doesn't trust her emotions to stay under control. So text it is for those days.]

For those of you who have been here for quite a while now:
Is there... any good way to cope with people from other worlds leaving?
I know that, when people from your own world leave, you can be comforted in the fact that you'll see them again when you return home.

But... what about those from other worlds?
They're gone, and unless you remain here for long enough that you return, you'll never see them again.
And if they're important to you, just as much as the people from your own world...

How can you get over the disappearance of someone like that?

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[Elsa... can't help but look a little guilty, there.]

... I... can't deny that I'd be making a huge mess of everything, if our powers were indeed back...

It's not a mess. You know how to get them under control, at least. I'd like to think that if I hugged you, it'd at least get a little bit warmer.

Here, eat some chocolate, it always helps me when I'm stressed out.

Well, yes, but... that's mostly your doing, you know. You're the one that's able to calm me down enough to even get ahold of myself.

[But Elsa's smile fades as she says that, and with a sigh, she takes the offered chocolate, sitting at the edge of her bed and staring down at it.]

I'm not stressed, I just.... I don't really know how exactly to feel right now.

Well, I can't imagine it wouldn't be complicated...

[ Don't mind if she breaks off a piece for herself and starts to fiddle around with it a bit... ]

But what's your gut telling you to feel? If your head and your heart are at odds, I'd go with your heart. That's what I always say to myself.

I don't know... that's the problem. It's just... a bunch of negative things, all fighting to stand up front. And it's such a mess that it's hard to pinpoint what's what.

I guess that's so...maybe it'd be better to just kind of get it out all at once, then? If it's a whole bunch of badbrain stuff, maybe just venting out the whole thing'd help? That way we can try and take care of all of it at once.

[Another shaky laugh.]

If I let all of it out at once, I think I'd just be a horrible rambling mess. And it wouldn't be like your endearing rambling at all.

Mine isn't endearing! It's embarrassing! And besides, keeping it all bottled up inside doesn't work. What's the worst that can happen?

... I make a fool of myself and feel even worse than I do now?

Elsa, please, make a fool of yourself? Look at who you're talking with here...

[Anna, you should know by now that Elsa won't agree with you when you say bad things about yourself :T]

I've already made a mess of myself with this particular topic. It won't really be anything new.

Even so, just letting it all fester never got anyone anywhere. And you know I could never judge you for anything ever.

[There's a long pause, then with a heavy sigh, Elsa just... seems to slump a bit.]

I just... I don't know where to start right now.

Just take your time with it.

[ She puts her arms around her sister, holding her up so she doesn't melt into the floor with how bad she just started deflating.. ]

Say the first thing that comes to mind and just, y'know. Let it go.

[Another pause. Another sigh. Elsa leans against Anna, her cheek pressing into her sister's shoulder.]

Aside from the obvious, I think a lot of what I'm feeling is just... guilt.

What makes you think that? I mean, it's not like her leaving is your fault or anything. Not like you have anything to feel guilty over.

And if you're feeling like you shouldn't wish she was still here with you, well, that's not anything to feel guilty over, either. I mean, if I woke up tomorrow and you had gone back home, or if Nonon had left or something? God knows I'd be upset about it. It's natural to want the people you care about by your side.

No, no, I don't blame myself for her disappearance. I've been here long enough to know that it's whatever force that brings us here that's at fault for that.

[Elsa not blaming herself for something??? AMAZING]

But... yes. I do feel guilty for being upset. She seemed so homesick lately.... shouldn't I be happy that she's finally where she wants to be?

Well, I don't think it's the worst thing in the world. It's definitely okay to miss someone, even if you think they'd be having a better time at home, yknow? It's nothing to feel guilty over. ...Besides, even if she missed being home, the people are another matter entirely, right? I mean, she had lots of friends. She had Korra, she had you...I don't think she was as sad here as you think she was.

Um...I think it'd be a little easier if we knew what it was like when we go back, but, I think that you have every right to be sad. I mean, someone you really cared about was there one day and just kinda left the next...anyone would be upset over that, really. Even if they think it's better that way, I mean, some people don't always know what's best for themselves for one reason or another...

But it's not just that I miss her! I know that's nothing to feel guilty of. It hurts, but not because I feel that way in particular.

It's just... I wish she was here. That's why I feel awful.

[Ugh, even after all this time, she's so bad at talking about her feelings...]

Ohh, okay, I get it now. You think it's being selfish, then? That you want her to be here even though she apparently didn't want to?

'Cause I don't think that's necessarily the case. Being homesick is one thing, but, wanting to go back and let go of everything here is another entirely, right? I'm sure if she had the option to, like, go back and visit, she'd do that and probably see if you wanted to come along, too.

I wish you had gotten a proper goodbye, though, y'know..?

[There's a pause, and Elsa just sort of... cringes. Because wow, when Anna puts it that way, that sounds... really familiar.]

Anna...

[No. She can't apologize. Anna's made it clear by now that, despite Elsa objecting to it, she has nothing to apologize for. So she sighs, forcing herself to brush the subject off, and hods.]

That's it, exactly. It would still hurt, knowing that she was leaving and that I might never see her again. But... I think it would hurt less if I actually got to say goodbye. If there could have been just one last proper moment together...

[ Yeah, she can, uh, relate to this. Not that she's going to bring that up. And not that she's going to let Elsa feel guilty about that again. One thing at a time. ]

Yeah. But I mean, I kinda think that's part of life too, y'know? Tomorrow's always a bit of a mystery. Which is kinda why you always want to make sure today's the best it can be, right? So that way you don't have any regrets or anything. If you left tomorrow, I'd be devastated, for sure. But, knowing that we spent this time together sitting in your room and eating chocolate and having a heart-to-heart...well, I'd at least be happy that the last time I got to spend with you was so nice, y'know?

[That gets a smile out of Elsa as she leans a bit against her sister. It's not a particularly bright smile, but anything is good enough for now.]

We're different, though. We know for certain that we'll see each other again, even if it takes a while for the other one of us to return home. But those of us from other worlds... they might never return, or they might... [her smile fades.] They might not remember their time here. Which might be just as bad.

Ugh, don't get me started. I try not to think about that. If I woke up one day and I was back in Arendelle and I left poor Nonon all alone and I didn't even know it...

[ It'd just be way too sad. ]

Yeah, I'm...hoping that's not the case. I mean, obviously I couldn't tell you for sure, but...

... Yeah.

[Elsa just. Lets out a little shudder as she thinks about it.]

To be honest, if that was the case? If she came back and didn't remember anything? I think I would've preferred it if she stayed in her own world.

[Aaand then her shoulders sag with guilt because wow does that sound selfish or what? Ugh, what's wrong with her...]

Thirteenth Flake [Text]

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